[For those new to the Pure Jeevan family, you can search for "lyme disease" or "Nadi Balance" here on the blog if you want to learn more about Wendi's health challenges over the past few years.]
Sometimes returning to vibrant health isn’t a fast and easy event. A little over a year ago, I claimed I was cured of lyme disease. At that time I listed the remaining health challenges I had to overcome — all a result of the damage the lyme disease had done to my body. It’s hard to believe an entire year has gone by and I’m still not feeling vibrantly healthy or fully well. During this past year I’ve been brought to tears a few times, sometimes overcome with doubt and worry about whether the lyme disease was truly gone, or not.
The damage that happens in the body from lyme disease is incredibly complex. It’s a disease that is more difficult to cure than cancer. And, once the bacteria is fully gone from the body (which is not easy to prove), it has left behind so many imbalances it seems like a never-ending struggle to overcome. Nothing is impossible, however. Nothing. It’s those who give up, those who believe there is no cure or ability to heal, who live a life of debilitation and early death. If you are reading this and you have a health challenge, just remember that — and continue to learn about natural health and never give up. Giving up is just not an option for me — I plan on being fully vibrant and filled with health by the end of 2011. What we believe is what we bring about in life. And, yes, I do realize if that’s true then I brought the lyme disease into my life.
I know exactly when I allowed the disease to manifest. I had always had an inner desire to be cared for, almost like a baby. I’m certain it stemmed from some childhood need not being met, with the longing to be loved and nurtured still nagging at the core of my being. One day I actually voiced it out loud to Jim. I said I sometimes wished I could just be cared for, have someone feed me, give me a bath, hold me and cuddle me, etc. Well, that’s exactly what ended up coming to be in my life. Jim had to do all of that for me. On the deepest level, he was fulfilling that unmet basic desire/need I had been carrying with me since early childhood. A very positive look at all that transpired over the past two years, however, is that I have grown to love Jim even more. He was selfless, always present and lovingly caring for my needs.
At one point, during intense pain, I felt like there was something building up inside of me. I wasn’t sure if it was anger, frustration, terror, or something else. I found myself with a large drawing tablet and pastel chalks, tears streaming down my face because the pain of moving my arms even slightly was so severe I felt like I’d pass out. But I couldn’t stop. In about five minutes, or less, I was able to creatively show in a visual way what I was experiencing. I sensed Jim’s sorrow when he saw what I had created.
A few weeks later, I created another one. The second one has a softer feeling to it (even though the physical pain of creating it still had me in tears). I showed it to Jim and I wondered at the time if he knew that *he* was the one holding the baby (me) with red-hot, painful shoulders.
Right now, my biggest hurdle to complete health is releasing the comfort of having things done for me. It’s time my inner child realizes her need has been met and I’m more than capable of caring for myself. It’s very tempting to continue allowing Jim to do things for me, things that I can fully do myself, because there is comfort in being cared for. I’m a strong woman, though. I don’t need anyone to care for me, no matter how good it feels at times. My comfort, peace, and strength come from within — comfort, peace, and strength can never last if they’re manifested by relying on another human being. Not only are we not fully connected to and utilizing our inner strengths, but we are sapping another’s energy when they are doing for us what we can do for ourselves.
That’s essentially the point I’m at right now in my healing. It’s more of an emotional block than anything else. It’s all manifesting with physical symptoms, but at the root of each physical issue is the emotional desire to continue being cared for in many ways. Once I fully call on that inner strength, my physical recovery will quickly follow.
[For those wanting more details, I've shared a bit more below...but, as I stated above, these physical symptoms are coming from an emotional imbalance.]
My cure from lyme disease was brought about by some incredible cutting-edge science education, research, and experimentation. The healing I was gaining came from consistent testing and monitoring of my body, making adjustments in my diet to bring about a more balanced body. I was continually moving more in the direction of a balanced body, but then we went through a lot of life changes (which included a cross-country move) and the tools I was using to monitor my body were no longer accessible. This is what has slowed things down, but we are working on getting everything unpacked and set up so that I can continue rebalancing my body.
Looking over the last health update I shared with everyone, I can see that I’ve definitely been moving more in the direction of better health. For one thing, I can fully dress myself (I only need assistance with one very fitted winter coat). The range of motion in my shoulders has greatly improved (physical therapy helped a lot), and most people won’t notice the little bit of motion restriction (where in the beginning, everyone noticed since I wasn’t able to move my arms much at all).
My weight gain, brought about from the lyme disease creating Hoshimoto’s Disease (thyroid), and also reactivating the Epstein Barr virus, has actually increased a bit more. I’m now about 35 pounds heavier than I was before I became unwell. I do know I’ll get back to a healthy weight, and regain my energy, but sometimes I wonder if this weight gain has come so that I can learn even more about releasing excess weight in order to better inspire others.
Muscle has returned to my arms, so that’s a great thing! There is still some sagging skin from the initial muscle loss, but I know that will clear up once my body is rebalanced and fully healthy again. Something else that hasn’t been very firm over the past two years is my ability to remain positive. It seems I’ve become a tad pessimistic at times, and even taken on the attributes of a complainer a lot of the time. So, that’s a challenge I’m eager to overcome, as well!
The biggest physical challenge I’ve been dealing with is poor digestion. Raw foods were not digesting well at all, and in fact seemed like they were rotting in my stomach. So, I was eating some cooked vegan foods which felt good in my tummy. Every time I tried to eat only raw foods, the pain in my stomach returned, along with the rotting food sensation. Well, after a few months of having better digestion with cooked foods, I began to experience digestion problems even with the simple cooked foods. Adding raw foods just made things worse. So, I tried a bit of a water cleanse, followed by mega doses of food-derived vitamins, minerals, and protein. I’ve been regaining my energy, and much more. The disease left my body depleted of a lot of essential things, especially minerals. So, now I am rebuilding and feeling better every day.
Will I continue to consume cooked foods, however, once I’m healed? Not really (although I have promised my friend Mamta that I *will* eat her love-filled cooked Indian food when we are together again). It was remarkable to me that after so many years consuming solely 100% raw, organic, vegan foods that I didn’t become sick to my stomach when I ate cooked food (maybe because I was only consuming simple cooked veggies, though).
Once my body is able to digest raw foods again, I’ll go back to my pre-lyme diet of 100% organic raw foods. I’ll have the necessary tools and training, however, to keep an eye on my body’s balance so I can know if anything is getting out of balance (so I will never become susceptible to any diseases in the future). We’ll talk more about consuming cooked foods, or animal foods (I only consumed dairy as a means to heal), to rebalance the body in the coming months. Being dogmatic and sticking to a diet when it’s actually contributing to your ill health can be a big mistake. I had to get over my dogmatic belief that 100% raw, organic, vegan foods are the cure-all for everything. Although I do believe that a raw, vegan diet is ideal for me when I have a *fully healthy* body, I did find healing in consuming some dairy and cooked vegan meals.